PLAY: The Birth of Cheese
snippet: “Eat it. You might like it.”
time: 2:20; specs: 2.2 MB mp3
script: Jolene Phelps; cast: Bill Cassel, Eric Stone; music: Cecil Vortex
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Two people. A mysterious substance. Tension so thick you could cut it with a piece of cheddar — a really sharp piece of cheddar. It all adds up to a hearty stew of fear, loathing, and dairy products called The Birth of Cheese, written by kabbalist glass-bender and underground phenomenon Jolene Phelps. Watch the skies, -CV.
Captain Marsupial
May 24, 2004 at 3:14 pm
The one thing that bothers me about this site. They don’t let anybody work Bleu. They just Jack you around.
Now shut that bleeding bazouki up!
Itto Ogami
June 1, 2004 at 11:04 am
sadistic cheese lovers unite. the french would be proud. oh, and allow me to elucidate:
Most authorities consider that cheese was first made in the Middle East. The earliest type was a form of sour milk which came into being when it was discovered that domesticated animals could be milked. A legendary story has it that cheese was ‘discovered’ by an unknown Arab nomad. He is said to have filled a saddlebag with milk to sustain him on a journey across the desert by horse. After several hours riding he stopped to quench his thirst, only to find that the milk had separated into a pale watery liquid and solid white lumps. Because the saddlebag, which was made from the stomach of a young animal, contained a coagulating enzyme known as rennin, the milk had been effectively separated into curds and whey by the combination of the rennin, the hot sun and the galloping motions of the horse. The nomad, unconcerned with technical details, found the whey drinkable and the curds edible. Cheese was known to the ancient Sumerians four thousand years before the birth of Christ. The ancient Greeks credited Aristaeus, a son of Apollo and Cyrene, with its discovery; it is mentioned in the Old Testament.
“Like a man made after supper of a CHEESE-paring: when a’ was naked, he was, for all the world, like a forked radish, with a head fantastically carved upon it with a knife.”
—William Shakespeare (1564–1616), King Henry IV. Part II. Act iii. Sc. 2.
cecil vortex
June 1, 2004 at 8:14 pm
to: itto
subject: re the history of cheese.
message: holy crap!
Sincerely,
-Cecil
Itto Ogami
June 13, 2004 at 2:50 pm
to: cecil
subject: re the history of cheese.
message: crap has nothing to do with good cheese, but crap itself, now…
[Middle English crappe, chaff, from Old French crappe, from Medieval Latin crappa, perhaps of Germanic origin.]
quite calls into question m’s story on mr. crapper and the case of the invented toilet. he was shittin’ us!
sincerely,
-Itto
Rocketboy
July 8, 2004 at 1:52 pm
Okay… I think I get it, but I’m just wonderin’…why?
Cecil Vortex
July 8, 2004 at 6:42 pm
I think it’s about the death of kindness.
Or the danger of cheese.
Or maybe the deadly danger of the death of cheese-kindness.
Ah!
Cheese-kindness!
How we mourn thee!
-Cecil