PLAY: Not Cool
snippet: “Hey Look! Over there! It’s those two chipmunks — from the cartoons!”
time: 1:58; specs: (just barely!) 1.8 MB mp3
script and music: Cecil Vortex; cast: Christian Crumlish, Eileen Dahl, Bee Nisbet, M. Smith
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Tom and Kate have the whole day off. “Let’s go to the amusement park!” says Kate. “Great idea!” says Tom. They just love roller coasters.
Uh oh! Somebody forgot to bring an extra pair of clothes. That wasn’t very smart.
Come join our heroes on the fairground of life as they learn that some times, a day at the park, isn’t really a day at the park. Metaphorically speaking. (Please note: Not Cool is rated “Yikes.” You must be this tall to take this ride.)
Enjoy! -CV
PLAY: The Lotus Eaters
time: 1:40; specs: 1.5 MB mp3
written and performed by: Dan Mummert; music: Cecil Vortex
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Excuse me — is that the bell? Why, I think it is! Someone’s at the door, making a “house call.” Could it be? Yes! Huzzah! A poet! And not just any poet — it’s Dan Mummert, dropping by (back-up band in tow, no less) to take you deep into a lettuce-free salad, surrounded by Greeks in languid recline. “Relax it meant. Here, sit.” And enjoy. -CV
PLAY: Money
snippet: “Hello cutesy-wutesy.”
time: 2:22; specs: 2.2 MB mp3
script, music, and production: Tony Jonick; cast: Bill Cassel, Alana Guy Dill
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In today’s MVRT episode, Money, amble over to a room laced with faint echoes of a tonier time, back when Katherine Hepburn and Cary Grant played badminton in the foyer — a room where empires are made and where hearts are broken, all in the name…of money. Enjoy! -CV
(Money is our third offering from The Winsor McCay Sketchbook. From more TWMS mayhem, be sure to check out Love and Marriage.)
PLAY: Four Poems in the Japanese Mode
time: 1:01; specs: (just shy of!) 1 MB mp3
written and performed by: Tony Jonick
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Because you demanded it, Poet Makes a House Call is back! At your house! With poetry!
Today’s selection: Four Poems in the Japanese Mode, a quartet of quiet moments, offered up by East Bay poet and international raconteur, Tony Jonick. Enjoy, -CV.
PLAY: John, Paul, and Brando
snippet: “Paul, I’ve asked you not to call me ‘Brandy.'”
time: 1:50; specs: 1.7 MB mp3
cast: Bill Cassel, Christian Crumlish, M. Smith, Cecil Vortex
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In April 1976, SNL Producer Lorne Michaels asked the Beatles to reuinite on live TV. Ever since that night, rumors have circulated that John and Paul were watching the show together and seriously considered taking Michaels up on his outrageous offer.
Now, with Marlon Brando’s recent passing, a remarkable, albeit badly battered cassette tape has surfaced, proving once and for all that these rumors were nothing less than fact. For not only were John and Paul together that night, but Brando was there with them, playing a crucial role in their historic non-decision, all while recording every last word.
Absurd? Absolutely. But true nonetheless. And the proof is in the listening!
PLAY: John, Paul, and Brando
Odder still is a recording found on the tape’s flip side. The cassette label, apparently written by Brando himself, is almost entirely unintelligible. Quite frankly, our MVRT scientists are stumped. They can’t explain it. They can barely understand it. But best they can determine, it appears to be a Shroud-of-Turin-esque empathic magnetic pulse projected by Brando’s massive dome onto the tape, reflecting the sounds in that room as he actually experienced them. Neat, hunh?
Brando notes that he’d snacked on a suspect slab of cheese on the ride over to John’s. Might there be a connection between this cheese and the disturbed state of Brando’s mind that fateful night? You be the judge. Enjoy, -CV.
PLAY: John, Paul, and Brando, “Tangy Brie” Remix
PLAY: Clowney
snippet: “I like my men clowney. I like clowns.”
time: 1:03; specs: (only!) 1 MB mp3
script and music: Cecil Vortex; cast: EB
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There she is. Sitting at the far end of the bar, watching folks as they stumble around: juke box to pool table to bartender to juke box. She’s thirsty — anyone can see that. And you’re flush. So go on — buy her a drink. Who knows? — she might just tell you a story. A story we like to call: Clowney. Watch the skies, -CV.
PLAY: Marriage
snippet: “Shall I salute you? Shall I salute the soldier?”
time: 2:29; specs: 2.2 MB mp3
script, music, and production: Tony Jonick; cast: Alana Guy Dill, Tom Salazar
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Today’s episode, Marriage, is part of a family of pieces known collectively as “The Winsor McCay Sketchbook.” Journey with us, won’t you? …to the icy border between East and West, where an unnamed man and woman stand on either side of the line discussing guns, knives, chemicals, blow darts, and trained killer thrushes. Enjoy! -CV
PLAY: Everybody Loves Money
snippet: “Would the word ‘nightmarish’ apply?”
time: 4:35; specs: 4.3 MB mp3
script and production: Bill Cassel; cast: Christian Crumlish, Jeff Green, Bee Nisbet, Jolene Phelps, Eric Stone
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“For the love of money is the root of all evil: which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows.” So wrote Paul the Apostle, in his First Epistle to Timothy. And I think it’s fair to say, that’s his opinion and he has every right to it. Bill Cassel takes the other side of this lively point-counterpoint in today’s heartwarming segment: Everybody Loves Money.
note: For the bandwidth challenged, we’re also offering this piece in three bite-sized (1.5 mb) morsels: Part A, Part 2, and Part the Third. Watch the skies, -CV.
PLAY: Stack of Mitts
snippet: “Gettin’ my old glove fixed.”
time: 2:17; specs: 2.1 MB mp3
script: Cecil Vortex; cast: Lisa Bush, Rodney K., M. Smith
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Two friends ambling down a leafy path. A casual chat about baseball mitts. Could anything be more innocent?
Yes. A lot of things could.
But fortunately, none of these things lie at the heart of this particular amble, this particular chat, or this particular episode of Monkey Vortex Radio Theater. We give you: Stack of Mitts.
PLAY: Love
snippet: “Oh I’m sorry dear. With all the heat, the glasses have melted.”
time: 1:31; specs: 1.4 MB mp3
script, music, and production: Tony Jonick; cast: Bill Cassel, Eileen Dahl
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Today’s segment, Love, is part of a family of short, two-character, brain-stretching pieces known collectively as “The Winsor McCay Sketchbook.” Here, the action opens in a house where there is simply no escaping the heat. Look for the explosive follow up — Marriage — coming soon to an MVRT near you.